Recipe for Curing Meat
One middle-aged body, pre-seasoned
One small polyp, free-range
One four-ounce plastic and titanium Chemo port
Two liters sub-lethal chemicals
Remove polyp from inside cavity. Note number of unusual cells. Discard.
Strip body. Slice open chest and insert chemo port. Run tube from port to heart. Sew incision. Oxycodone to taste.
Arrange body in pan to marinate. Using the chemo port, infuse with sub-lethal chemicals. Season liberally with anti-nausea medications. Body should lose up to twenty percent of its original weight.
When internal temperature reaches 101, baste with antibiotics.
Using indelible ink, draw designs on thighs and abdomen.
Return to pan. Microwave for twelve minutes on High. Repeat 28 times over a period of six weeks. Skin may burn and fall off in sheets. Correct seasonings with oxycodone.
Shave head to remove any stray hairs.
Draw blood. Count white blood cells. Baste with antibiotics.
Scan as needed.
Return to pan and sear both sides every few weeks until thoroughly done.
Slice open chest, remove chemo port. Discard.
Remove from pan and garnish with remaining oxycodone.
Allow body to rest for fifteen minutes.
Check cavity for polyps. Note number of unusual cells.
Correct for seasonings.
JoeAnn Hart is the author of the novel Addled, and her essays and short fiction have appeared in a wide variety of literary journals and magazines. Please visit joeannhart.com if you’d like to know where to find more of her.
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