Active Ingredients: Purpose
Ethyl Alcohol ……………………………Self-Erasure
Uses:
*Temporary relief from everything that bothers you, which is, basically, everything.
Warning:
*Increasing use causes increasing use. You know this, have always known this, yet here you are (again). *Avoid use of this product around those you hope to impress or those who—somewhat mistakenly—think they have power over you, i.e., parents, priests, teachers, employers and husbands, especially if the husband is not yours.
*Do not operate cars, busses, bikes, skates, scooters, high heels or clogs with or without supervision.
*Avoid stairs, gutters, bodies of water standing or otherwise.
*Use caution around other inebriates. This script is for you, only you.
*States of consciousness may vary. If you awaken or come to mid-sentence, act as if you know where you are and how you got there. Pretend to recognize the people you are sitting or lying next to. Pet their dog. Pat their children. Greet their parents and/or spouses if they have one and he/she is present—which won’t, obviously, be perfect.
*Speak softly, move slowly, or you’ll vomit.
*Odds are that’s already happened. Check your hair, teeth and clothing if you’re dressed. If not, check for bruises, blood and smells that might indicate what your body’s been up to without you in it.
*If the people (person) seem(s) friendly, smile and say good morning if it appears that it is or may soon be morning.
*Otherwise, try to keep quiet as you find your keys, and car. Let’s hope you drove.
*If not, call a friend (or your father if you must).
When using this product
*Do not wear your best clothes or jewelry, which might be lost, stolen, ruined or just discarded.
*Wear jeans, a baggy sweater and a cross-body bag or backpack, or else the next day will be spent scouring dance halls and their bathrooms, motels and parking lots, sidewalks or backseats—whatever you remember, which won’t be much. Note: you are unlikely to find it, that sexy little purse your sister doesn’t know yet that you borrowed.
*Insist to whomever you are with and anyone who will listen that you don’t drink, not usually, not like this: on a school night, a work night, a Tuesday before noon, or whatever.
*Cite a break-up, a birthday, a sad book or movie.
*Quote a line from a classic indie to prove you’re a serious person.
*Or, just say fuck it. Say your drinking is nobody’s business. Cite your rights as an American, an adult self-supporting—well, almost—free and single, or soon will be, most likely.
*Say it like life’s a joke, like you’re broken, scary, boundless, because, seriously, look in a mirror.
Directions
*Appear always otherwise to be clean and upstanding: a good girl, a smart girl, hardworking, compliant, adept at paperwork and its directions.
*Don’t talk about yourself, your real self, your secrets, your fears, and/or this prescription. You’re lucky to have found it. Hallelujah.
Side Effects
*May affect motivation, maturation and/or hope for the future. May lose boyfriends and husbands, jobs and opportunities, self-respect, self-esteem, self-direction.
*May experience tremens, hepatitis, cirrhosis; dark moods and depression; self-hatred, (chronic); remorse, (temporary); headaches, (extreme); dyspepsia (recurrent), and,
*Delusions with or without attendant grandeur, or,
*Death. Self-induced, they will call it.
Other Information
*Erasure is your birthright, a comfort most familiar. It’s in your blood. From your people. Family’s everything. Pass it on.
Inactive Ingredients
*Likely to trigger memories and regrets you thought (hoped) weren’t inside you.
*These memories, this regret shall be fruitful and multiply, unlike you, should you really do this.
Joan Presley is a veteran and retired public servant who lives in Reno, Nevada with her dog and family of friends. She loves reading, writing, nature and people. She received an MFA from Pacific University in Pacific Grove, Oregon and continues to study and workshop.