What If Hermaphroditus Let Salmacis Stay Part of Them
Because that They had come to think
⠀⠀of weight against the body as a kindness
They were gifted—that undisputed They.
⠀⠀Because it was a body scores before
had claimed, bones They hated until
⠀⠀handled. Because at first she stroked
Their neck and filled that mineshaft
⠀⠀of a throat with echoes. The hours⠀
idled on a sunslick daybed grinning
⠀⠀and becoming singular. Because a glow
caught Them wading through a pool
⠀⠀and her voice called from inside
to say They shined just like treasure.
⠀⠀Because of how quickly her voice
kinked. That she shrieked, seethed with
⠀⠀hate at what They were without her.⠀
That body she clapped blue as lightless
⠀⠀tunnels. Because what They owned
floated off with a glimmer. Lost. Because
⠀⠀They thought every grip and scream⠀
might make that body mean more,
⠀⠀maybe mean something.
_______
Hermaphroditus was the Greek deity symbolizing androgyny, artistically portrayed as a woman with
assigned-male genitals. According to myth, the sprite Salmacis attempted to rape Hermaphroditus
bathing. Salmacis begged the gods that the two should never part. In answer to her prayer, their two forms
were merged into one.
Forever and Always, I’m Always Here⠀
My sibling sinks into the Santa Monica Bay,
my sibling dives off the back of a speedboat:⠀
scenes coming straight out of Baywatch
reruns, high drama neatly wrapped in an hour.⠀
My sibling can’t help placing first in events
at Junior Lifeguard summer beach camp:
performing mock rescues with slick grace
and Hasslehoff power, cutting through surf⠀
while I struggle as a mass in slow motion.
In advanced training, my sibling learns to leap⠀
from a pier, from a jetty at high tide unscathed.
But not every episode becomes camera-ready,⠀
makes it onto a screen beyond somebody’s skull.
My sibling breaks down daily from the roiling⠀
inside them. Their training helps little.
My sibling sinks in a tub as I bang on the door.⠀
The night my father tells me they’re missing
again, I go search that beach first:⠀
cold sand in my shoes while I inspect shadows,
leave voicemails. The breeze fuzzes each call.⠀
Years later cold pressure still floods me
as the phone rings, leaves some benthic strain.
I perch on a lifeguard tower eyeing
driftwood and begging it’s all to wash up.
_________
Title draws on lyrics from the Baywatch theme song “I’m Always Here” by Jimi Jamison.
CD Eskilson is a trans poet, editor, and translator. Their debut poetry collection, Scream / Queen, is forthcoming from Acre Books.