My knees pop and crackle like a fireplace
as I kneel at her feet on the carpeted floor. I flinch—
my body suddenly feels too crooked, too misshapen to be here.
She smiles like redemption, croons keep going, baby,
and guides me towards forgiveness, as she guides herself down
my throat. She does not separate me from my cripplehood—
she holds it, tenderly, just like she holds me, and I am burning, sanctified
by the heat of her gaze and the blessed sacrament of consumption.
The hollow of my cheeks becomes hallowed ground,
nevermind the crooked slant of my teeth
and the ever-present ache of my jaw.
My existence narrows to her fingers,
clasped together like she’s praying
with the rosary she makes of my hair,
and salvation comes, easy as swallowing.
EROTIC CONTEST FINALIST, 2024
Emerson Gray is a disabled genderqueer poet based in Saint Louis. He has been previously published in RFD Magazine as well as The Augment Review, and was nominated for a Pushcart Prize for his work on Crab Fat Magazine. He also served as a poetry editor for Chaotic Merge Magazine and Arrow Rock Journal. Emerson is currently an MFA Creative Writing candidate at the University of Missouri-Saint Louis.